Urgh

I just saw myself through someone else's eyes. This is always an interesting experience and occasionally a sobering one. Recently a friend of mine analyzed me with such fervor that it deeply offended me as a person. He said that I must be insecure because of my constant attempts to be in control.

This was related to improvisational comedy and attempting to lead groups. I don't know, I've been put in leadership positions an increasingly large amount of the time in my life. When I am adamant about something, I am sometimes frustrated by others not sharing the same zest. I can't expect to change people, but I do try my hardest to include everyone and push the ideas of all of my friends. Though I have never attempted to bring someone into a situation I thought would be inconsistent with their goals or desires. I try to build relationships and want to be seen as a peer that helps to keep the dream possible. Though every attempt to which I do it seems to be easy to ridicule.

Also, I was strictly criticized for my artistic ability and what is seen as a lack of effort on my part. This dissidence is odd, as I am trying to lead a group, all the while jeopardizing their work through my inability to consistently offer quality goods. Remedial lectures by respected peers and mentors, when occurring in a consistent order, can lead to self doubt about personal ability. This, compiled with a not completely unfounded protest to my personality, is very disappointing. I've never meant to hurt or stifle anybody, and finding out that I am doing exactly that fills me with a deep dissatisfaction.

*sigh* I do my best.